Jacky Jormp-Jomp

Question: Why do I always assume the worst? I have some kind of disease, I think, which makes me completely incapable of assuming anything good about anybody. I won't get into specifics, but I've recently done this several times to several different folks, and it's just rude and insensitive, but I really can't help it. My imagination feeds off of manufactured drama, and so I suppose it's only natural for me to manufacture drama in my own life. I remember as a child pretending my life was a sitcom, or a cheesy Disney movie (à la Honey I Shrunk The Kids, or The Big Green), in an effort to spice things up. I actually remember creating moments of dramatic intensity in my head from mundane situations, like this one, for example:

I'd leave a newly purchased toy in the car whilst running errands with my mom. In my head, the camera would watch as my mother and I would leave the car, and as we'd leave, it'd pan down to the toy, in a sort of "Uh oh! He shouldn't have left that..." moment.

So, that was me, directing my life's smaller moments into swells of dramatic flair that no one else would (or should) ever find interesting. And, now, as a fully formed adult with a college degree and years of life lessons merit badges attached to his sleeve, I still do it, except to a degree that borders on psychotic. I don't think it's because I expect the worst out of those I love, but instead that I fear the worst. I've grown accustomed to seeing so many big dramatic moments, plot twists, and character reversals that I've managed to put those things into my own life, especially where they don't exist.

BUT, the difference here is that these plot developments don't make my life any more interesting; they make them more complicated. If these assumptions were true, then that would certainly make for a fast-paced thrill ride, but they're not. Often my assumptions result in mundane realizations, and gross misunderstandings. It's embarrassing how often I've had to mentally put my foot in my mouth.

I guess I'm grateful for my shier nature, as it doesn't allow me the tenacity to confront these assumptions head on, and make a fool of myself. Still, my head gets dizzy with my wild imagination, and that's enough to make me feel the fool for assuming so much.

This is the part of the post where I say that I should look to a brighter future, but I don't. My future isn't bright. As long as I continue to saturate my thoughts with story, I'll always look for ways to create drama in my own life. Oh well, right?