Me Oscar Predix...

Hey y'all.
Well, today was THE day for the film world. This morning, the AMPAS announced their nominations for the Academy Awards, and boy were they not the least bit surprising. I managed to predict almost all of them, with the directing category being my only fumble. But, now I have the chance to redeem myself, and so, without further annoying chatter, I give to you my Oscar Predix...

Best Picture:
What Will Win: Brokeback Mountain
What Should Win: Good Night and Good Luck

Best Director:
Who Will Win: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Who Should Win: George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck

Best Actor:
Who Will Win: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Who Should Win: David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck

Best Actress:
Who Will Win: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Who Should Win: Keira Knightely, Pride and Prejudice

Best Supporting Actor:
Who Will Win: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Who Should Win: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man

Best Supporting Actress:
Who Will Win: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Who Should Win: Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

Best Screenplay (Original):
What Will Win: The Squid and the Whale
What Should Win: Good Night and Good Luck

Best Screenplay (Adapted):
What Will Win: Brokeback Mountain
What Should Win: Brokeback Mountain

Best Animated Feature:
What Will Win: Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
What Should Win: Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

There you have it. The "What/Who Should Win" catergory is merely what I would rather see win, based on personal bias, or the fact that I haven't seen the film that's the leading contender. I loved Good Night and Good Luck, which is apparent in my picks, so I'd LOVE to see that beat out Brokeback Mountain in the major catergories. So yeah, while this may seem pretensious, because maybe some of you have not seen these films, it's really not. These are the obvious winners, and like last year, I doubt there will be much of a surprise when the winners are annoucned in March...

Beatles Song of the Week...

"Here, There, and Everywhere" - Lennon/McCartney

I didn't intend this to be the inagural Beatles Song of the Week, but I heard it this morning while working, and I just couldn't resist putting it in. I absolutely love the slow rhythm, and how it just tells such a sweet story. Yeah, a bit simplistic for a Beatles song, as far as explanations go, but one listen can convince even the hardest of the hard. Take a gander at the lyrics to get a grip on the song, or purchase this fine album from Amazon.com.

To lead a better life
I need my love to be here

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere
And if she's beside me I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her

Everywhere, knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

I want her everywhere
And if she's beside me I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her

I will be there, and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

Me, A Shirt, and a Very Dark Room...

So, this morning I put my shirt on backwards. I guess this is the ultimate consequence of getting dressed in the complete dark, at 4:30 in the morning. What's sad is that I didn't realize it until at least 5 people had already seen me like that. I even had two girls snicker at me. I was oblivious as to why, and I tried to be coy, and not think it was about me. I'm now convinced it was. I guess the ultimate blessing behind this was that I had the opportunity to quickly remedy the problem, because the building where I work was almost completely empty (at least the part I was in at the moment of realization.) I had a good laugh about it as I went up the elevator to my little closet of goodies (mops, brooms, and Shineline Mint-Scented Multi-Purpose Surface cleaner...). What a morning...what a morning...........

The Pits...

Here, my friends, is what I like to deem "The Pits", or the worst films I saw this year. There are many, and each deserves complete ridicule for wasting my time, and the time of a good chunk of America (in the case of a few of them). I generally try to steer clear of bad films, but sometimes, my carnal nature gets the very best of me, and I just can't resist. So, here it is, at long last, The Pits of 2005

1. The Fog - Oh. My. Freak. This piece of garbage was absolute junk. Not once did I flinch from the supposed "horror" aspect of it all. Each and every moment was incredibly hilarious in all the wrong ways. Waste of talent on the parts of Tom Welling and Maggie Grace (R.I.P. Shannon), and sadly, its not going to do much for the latter, career-wise. I pray that this film is not being viewed by any more people than it has to, and I hope with all my heart that there aren't people out there who actually believe its a good film. If that be the case, then our nation is truly in a sad state of affairs....Damn you Bush....

2. The Transporter 2 - Simply put, I could barely stand to sit through this. Shoddy direction, terribly writing, and some of the WORST acting (Amber Velleta! What the freak were you doing in this garbage?!?!?!) EVER...The story was about as cliché as it was improbable. While some of the fight sequences did merit some praise, they weren't enough to tickle my fancy straight to the video store to purchase this. I'm a sucker for a great action movie, even those that may be improbable and cliché (Die Hard, anyone?), but this...This was terrible. I expect more out of you, Luc Besson....La honte, M. Besson...La honte....

3. The Ring Two - Gag me. While the first one had me simply terrified and petrified for about a week after seeing it, this one left me cold. I just couldn't figure it out. It was filled with strange symbolism ( I think) and even stranger moments. It was a well put together film, but it failed to impress me on many levels. It lacked any resonate core. The whole possession story was stupid and forced, and the fact that they completely eliminate the tape from the film in the first 10 minutes made me want to cry. Thats what made the first one so fabulous. My hope for the sequel? Imagine if the tape had reached all across the US, like an epidemic...What if that were the case? Think of the story they COULD have come up with had they sat down and not tried to copy Dark Water.

4. Dark Water - And when I say Dark Water up above, I mean the Japanese film. This one was released after The Ring Two, and it was absolute junk as well. What begins as a promising drama, and slightly creepy film, just turns into a failed premise with no scares to be found, anywhere. Jennifer Connally is good in it, as is most of the other cast members, and its their performances that place this film at number 4, and not at number 1, because the film itself was a terrible, terrible let down. So many red herrings in the first hour that elude to a more sinister plot, but none of them go anywhere, so you feel cheated. I felt cheated, for sure...Ugh...

5. The Brothers Grimm - I'm getting rather tired of panning these films in long paragraphs, so I think I'll continue to just give a brief reason why I hated it. This one was too long, and way to confusing. The story could have been great, and the references to classic fairy tales were fun, but just not good enough. Very morbid and slightly depressing...Not Gilliam's best...*sigh*

6. Exorcism of Emily Rose - This films on the list because it just didn't scare me like I'd hoped it would. Instead, its an intriguing, yet slightly boring courtroom drama that held my interest, but I didn't care for the characters. It was okay. We're getting to the point on the list where the movies weren't the best I saw, nor were they the worst...they just weren't great. Emily Rose is one of them. I didn't mind it, but it just failed to impress.

7. Flightplan - Same goes with this film. Great opening, and the first hour is great, but the last half an hour or so just get dumb. Once we find out the solution to the mystery, its hard to care anymore. It was almost too easy.

8. The Skeleton Key - This film was also just okay. It had some semi-creepy moments, but all in all, it wasn't a cut above. The twist end was pretty cool, but at the same time, it certainly wasn't as Sixth Sense-like as they'd advertised it to be. But, the twist was original, and it was a nice diversion from the terrible lot of Japanese horror remakes that make up the top of my list...

9. The Amityville Horror - Ditto everything I said about all of the other horror movies on this list. Not scary, and ridiculously pathetic. A Failure on all counts (And yes, the capital F is on purpose...Aren't I clever?!?!?!11) ...This one should be near the top, right under The Ring Two, but alas, I'm again too lazy to move it...

That's it. I can't think of anymore films that should be up here...If I do, I'll be sure to update...

Oh, and be sure to read my Tops... post for my Top Ten Films of 2005...

ciao
parker

Of Lewis and Pastries...

Well, pithy introductions aside, I feel it is most important that I begin my story quickly, and to tell it effectively. My tendancy to ramble is legendary, and I won't fall victim to its rascally ways. So, in lieu of a great, and witty beginning, I shall simply start out like this:
So, this morning, much to my amusement, was more entertaining than it has been the whole time I've slaved away on the stairs of the Math and Computer Science building, here at the University-That-Is-Not-To-Be-Named. One reason, and possibly the most obvious to those to whom I've already spoken, is the fact that after a long delay, our lovely, yet utterly totalitarian supervisor decided it was time that she fed us. So, we had a nice little breakfast (quick note, I feel it is neccessary to say that this breakfast was felt very strongly after the fact, all throughout my digestive tract. Next time she lures me into eating one of those irresistable poppy seed cakes with the glaze, or even that sinful chocolate milk, I'll be sure to quickly decline) in the third hour, thus cutting short my painful efforts to scrub (and I mean SCRUB) the stairs that never cease to be dirty. Ever. A nice treat and one that was well appreciated in a scholastic sense because I had a French paper to finish (Curse you, those with whom I played Speed Scrabble, drank copious amounts of Martinelli's and ate ravishing brownies), and I was able to leave early without consequence. Except financially. But, what does that matter...

Still, the greatest surprise of all came long before the above shindig. Normally, I listen to some sort of audio entertainment while mopping. Most of the time, its a terribly conceived mix of songs (imagine if you will Burt Bacharach's The Look of Love being followed by Gilbert and Sullivan's I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General, which is then followed by Green Day's Novocaine...it's like listening to Jack FM, except without the annoying man voice that thinks its soooo cool, which probably makes my mix better than Jack FM, but at the end of the day, I really dislike (read: hate) both.). This time, I tried to forget this mix, and expand my horizons. I have practically 20 MiniDiscs full of music, so I guessed anything else would be better.
Well, to make a long story short, I placed in a disc that I believed to be Nickel Creek's newest album, but I was instead treated to John Cleese's rousing reading of "The Screwtape Letters." I was shocked. I had completely forgotten about this disk. I had burned just before parting on my trip up here, but never got the chance to listen to it, thanks in part to my car's inablity to stay in one piece, and the very hot Nevada desert that almost claimed its life. I was so pleased to hear this, and it helped pass the two hours that I did work, very quickly. C.S. Lewis' clever musings on temptation and sin are rendered all the more entertaining when read by a member of Monty Python; especially the bit about humor. I found it extremely ironic that a man so famous for his bawdy humour (oooooo...) was reading the writings of a man who obviously disapproved of it.
So, while seemingly petty and uninteresting to probably the majority of those who read this, I found this morning to be a breath of fresh air. Who'd of thunk that a little bit of Lewis and a smidgeon of sweets could help to brighten one man's hopelessly dreadful morning.

Also featured today were my attempts at fixing my incredibly pesky television. I actually went out and bought a soldering iron in order to repair the thing, and my success can only be described as non-existent and fleeting (there was about a 5 minute period where I felt invincible to all things technical, and began clapping my hands in order to keep the TV's volume at a reasonable level, as if clapping was a proven method to express faith...Don't hate, Tink...) The problem still persists, and yet, I remain apathetic. How often can you get a TV for $8? Not too often, so if a little light slam is neccessary in order to save a few hundred bucks, fine by me.

There you have it, folks, straight from my head, to my fingers, to the keyboard, to the computer, and then after that, into the hands of the great and mystical Internet gods who will publish this great work of lunacy all over this great world of ours for all to see, and for no one to care about... Man! The Internet rulez!!!!1111

'Ave a gud one, luv!

ciao
parker

Tops...

And some women's tops...



______

In all seriousness though, the end of the year is upon us, and it always begs the question amongst us snobby types: What were the best full-length feature films of this, the year of our Lord, two-thousand and five? Which films sucked a nice juicy hard-boiled egg? Which films were simply so bad, one couldn't bear even the sight of the title on a marquee? All of these questions can and will be answered in a single list; a list that will defy an empire...Or something to that effect. So, here she is (for all great lists are female), the greatest list ever, for the year 2005...

1. Pride and Prejudice - Most artsy film I saw all year, and frankly the best one period. So chuck full of humor and romance, its hard to not to fall hard for this spectacular adaptation. Keira Knightly is a dream, and so is her hot sister, whose name escapes me. Beautifully shot from the closest close-ups to the farthest far-aways, this one ranks top of my Tops list simply because when movie-going is this ethereal, you can't ever forget it.

2. Good Night, and Good Luck - I recently saw this masterpiece, and I knew exactly where it deserved to go on my Tops list for 2005. This brilliantly conceived drama manages to not only engage the audience in a well-paced plot, but it also manages to bring about a great message about the media's responsibility to its country. George Clooney uses tact and class to present this film, using beautiful black and white cinematography, and never using a sappy score to manipulate feelings. The moods, the emotions and the film in general are so genuine, because Clooney saves all of his musical cues (all of which as sung and played by the same jazz singer and her band) till after many of the most intense scenes. Brilliant portrayl of Edward R. Murrow by David Strathairn, with great performances by all of the supporting players, including Mr. Clooney. The films handling of McCarthyism should make it required viewing in all US History classes. But, even if you've graduated from high school, see this for the clear message it presents on the media. Amazing, amazing film, and one that is truly worthy of the number 2 spot here on my Tops list.

3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl will forever be my favorite children's author, and for good reason. His stories fit me like a glove, with his sly humor and the somewhat pessimistic resolutions. I loved the glorious colorful Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and I probably always will, but Tim Burton's much more accurate and engaging take on Dahl's most vibrant world takes the cake as the best adaptation of his books yet. Johnny Depp is perfect (yes, I said it), and every single line that shoots from his perfectly freaky (and toothy) mouth, is absolute genius. Freddie Highmore is great as Charlie, but still, this is Wonka's film (despite the title). I had such a splendid time watching this, that I just couldn't help myself. Giddy is a good word to describe my feelings after having seen this film. Yes, I said giddy...

4. Batman Begins - Batman reimagined makes a great meal. I loved every bleeding minute of this masterpiece, and it currently resides in the great trifecta of comic book films (Spider-man 2 and X-men 2 being its contemporaries). Christian Bale? Awesome...Morgan Freeman? Awesome...Michael Caine? Old, and awesome...Katie Holmes? I've seen better...In any case, solid solid solid acting on (almost) all counts, and the film's director deserves mucho kudos for simply crafting such a great world; Gotham never looked so decrepid, and yet so inviting...I cannot wait to take a ride in this universe again, especially if more Oscar winners get involved, cause frankly, they make a better movie.

5. King Kong - Perfectly executed old-school like spectacle. Reminiscent of the great films of Cecil B. DeMille, Victor Fleming, and David Lean, King Kong manages to capture that same sort of adventure story that has seemed to have all but disappeared in today's modern 100 minute "epics". Big and bombastic like The Ten Commandements and Gone with the Wind, "Kong" makes no apologizes for its lengthy run-time or its use of cheesy 30s dialogue...Instead, it pushes you slowly yet surely into a beautiful and unconvential love story, surrounded by swift moving (and simply breathtaking) action pieces that move the story along. The biggest surprise about King Kong is that it doesn't quite feel as long as it should, considering its length. Titanic certainly felt longer than this, as does Lawrence of Arabia, so many props must go to Peter Jackson for crafting such a well-paced film. Kong is a modern classic, one that won't be appreciated by as many as loved Gone with the Wind or even Titanic, but I loved it, nonetheless, and that's all that really matters...

6. Serenity - Yes, I know. It's not on the top of my list. Big deal. I had such a hard time deciding what was number 1, I feel as though these top 5 films are of equal importance. "Serenity" is by far the best sci-fi film of this year, and probably ever since Aliens, Whedon's 'verse is packed with fun characters, and engaging set pieces, combined with the best ending I've seen in years. Joss Whedon proved to me that the best writing takes risks, and doing what he did to the person he did it to (you don't want to be spoiled on this one) was one of the biggest (and best) shockers of the year, and frankly, it made the movie into a modern sci-fi classic/masterpiece. All in all, just a fun fun ride combined with one heck of an ending.

7. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Another solid adaptation of the Harry Potter franchise, and certainly the best so far. Keep this up, and Potter will be one of the greatest film franchises in history. Mike Newell crafts a great British boarding school dramedy mixed with all the great magic and action we expect from Potter. The PG-13 rating certainly helped to finally create the right mood that Rowling has been placing in her books since Book 1, and that's to be commended. The kids are getting better and better as their respective characters, and they all shine in their own special ways (that Hermione is gonna be hawt...when she's 18)...All in all, I loved every single minute of it, and I couldn't care less that many tiny and boring moments were left out. The book was great, but it was way too long for a film, and I think it was handled perfectly.

8. Crash - This film is on my Tops list because of the sheer shock factor it creates. The film is extremely exaggerated, but it all serves a purpose. Emotions are always worn on the outside of the characters, and at first, its off-putting, because they come across as whiny and often overly-observant, but it helps to not nit-pick individual scenes, but to watch the entire film as a whole. Crash to me was like a Masters Thesis, put into film form. It explores hot-button issues, but can't really offer real answers to the questions we want answered. What is racisim, and how do we eliminate something that every single person on the planet is guilty of in some form or another? That's what the film asks of us. Every character has a prejudice, from the Whites to the Blacks to the Hispanics to the Persians...No one is safe, and no one group is glorified or demonized. Its a film that demands self-reflection, and its a film that will definitely spark a lively debate among friends.

9. War of the Worlds - The use of the word "war" in the title certainly isn't only a reference to H.G. Wells novel of the same name, but in fact a description of how you will feel while watching this movie. The first 30 minutes feels like you are in the middle of a suburban war film, chuck full of high body counts and shaky camera moves (but all done very PG-13 like, you know...). Steven Spielberg succeeded, despite a terribly weak and contrived ending, to cause every limb in my body to shake, and I was constanly on the edge of my seat. What's sad, however, are the blatant expositional scenes, and the terribly cliché character played by Tim Robbins, but they don't detract all too much from everything else that's going on.. and that basement cat-and-mouse scene is Spielberg at his crafty best. Best seen in theaters, this film is in my Tops simply because it really freaked me out.

10. New York Doll - I loved this film. Touching, tender, and riotously funny, it's probably one of my favorite documentaries of all time. The story is truly inspiring, and its subject is incredibly fascinating. What could have been another Behind the Music, turns into a great film about hope, faith, and forgiveness, as well as being a great history of one of the greatest punk bands of the 70s. I had little knowledge of the Dolls, or of Arthur "Killer" Kane before seeing this film, but that didn't change how I felt. Learning about this band that had it all, but gave it up due to ridiculous pursuits was extremely fascinating to watch, and to see what comes of their much hyped reunion in London is very very fun. I can't praise this film enough. Its really only on the bottom of this list because I'm just too lazy to move it up higher, but this film really touched me more than I expected it to. See it as soon as you can. It's worth it.

Honorable Mentions: Brokeback Mountain, Munich, Chronicles of Narnia, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Red Eye, Sin City, The Interpreter, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Star Wars: Episode III