The Return

Thanks to Spencer's blog, and John August and several other unknown people, I now have a new and improved Scrippets to try out...
Here it goes.


INT. DISCOTHEQUE - NIGHT

Hogarth, a frail man in his 20s enters the neon lit floor of the discotheque. Surrounding him are fools and tramps, each dancing more atrociously and vivaciously than the next. Hogarth stands, anxious. He spies a beautiful woman across the room, hair feathered to perfection, platforms 9 and 3/4 inches tall. He approaches.

HOGARTH
I want you to know how beautiful you look this evening.

WOMAN
(Russian accent)
Thank you. I cherish your compliments, tiny man.

Hogarth blushes.

WOMAN
Would you like to dance?

Hogarth stands, silent, thinking. Then, he pounces, grabbing her neck, and pulling her head towards his lips. Awkwardly, he kisses her eye, snatching off her fake eyelashes.

The woman, shocked, stares back at Hogarth, Then she pounces, grabbing him by his long hair, and kissing him square on the mouth. It was love.



Let's see if this worked...

Nice....

It Hurts When I Smile...

I tend to steer clear of reviewing films here (I'm not a fan of placing any sort of rating on a film. Either I like it, or I don't. No stars, thumbs, or letters for me), but I want to give this particular film a push, since it performed pretty terribly this past weekend, and it's not because it's a bad film:



The previews can't sell the humor of this film. If any of you have seen either The Office (BBC edition) or Extras, you'll understand the humor of Ricky Gervais and why it's all about the moment, and that's not easy to sell in montage form, no matter what Beatles song you put under it. I mean, this is the man who originated Michael Scott*, and helped to redefine awkward in comedy, so you can expect much of the same in this film. Gervais plays charming and slimy like the best of 'em, and he does it in spades in this film. Yes, it's a romantic comedy, but it's of the best kind. Yes, the story smells (okay, reeks) of films like The Sixth Sense, Ghost, or even Topper, but as Carl Jung would say, they are simply a part of a similar consciousness... Overall, it's a fantastically funny film, with a winning cast and some nice moments of genuine sentiment (it had me, and I'm not an easy get). I want it to do better this next weekend, even though, realistically, it won't. But, even if it continues to flop at the box office, at least you'll have seen a good film, and in the broad scheme of things, the film got made, and it made me and possibly you happy, so job (well) done; Mission: Accomplished.

*Yes, technically, he didn't, but any discerning viewer would say that he and David Brent (Gervais' role) were cut from the same cloth, and since Ricky did it first, well, you get the point...

Honest to Blog...

Here's why* I love Diablo Cody so much. I've mentioned her several times, mostly in passing, but I've come to respect her rise to the top as being genuine and rather entertaining. Most people seem to have a problem with her quick rise to fame, but I see it as a wonderful Cinderella story with a stripper twist. She's big. Steven Spielberg's working with her big, and apparently, many people have a problem with that. So, here's her response to the nay-sayers, and frankly I have to applaud her for this. The blog world is one that I've been incredibly critical of ever since I joined my first forum and felt the fire from raging lunatics bent on proving to me why the Xbox was better than a Gamecube, or why Empire of the Sun is Spielberg's most childish filmmaking effort; I've had my fair share of mud slung (is that right? slung, sling, slinged....) in my direction, so I feel her pain (in a very tiny, "I'm not an Oscar winner" way). I've been a huge advocate of her's since I saw Juno back in December of last year, because I recognized something incredibly rare in her script, and in the film: raw talent. Yeah, the film was plagued with hipster slang, and the usual glut of indie comedy quirkiness, but I just adored it for being the debut screenplay that it was. It's always fun for me to see someone like her make it big.

I remember watching the special features on Romancing the Stone (its good, so yeah, whatever), and there was a feature specifically dedicated to the film's screenwriter, Diane Thomas. Stone was her first produced screenplay as well, and it was absolutely genre-defining (romantic-comedy-adventures were not that common), and it brought her tons of success. Sadly, she passed away in a car accident before her career could really take off, but that's not the point: she created something special her first time out, and that's commendable.

The same goes for Ms. Cody. She proved that you didn't need a film degree to make a great script. I envy that. I'm honest with myself when it comes to my ability as a writer; I'm not that good. I try to be, every time I open Final Draft and begin something, but what I've been able to accomplish has been through tons of classes, and long, hard workshopping sessions. I do not believe I have all of the talent she possesses, and I'm okay with that. But to be so viciously jealous of that to the point of empty hatred strikes me as absurd and rather 3rd Grade. She's got talent. Deal with it. And that's why I love this post. It shows that she can mingle words together to create something that very effectively brings down those who seek to gain "stature" by bringing her down. She's honest about her success. She's honest about Juno's success, and she doesn't care what you have to say. Well, she does, or else she wouldn't say it, but in all honesty, that's what I love about her. She still blogs. She still posts regularly on her Twitter. She still goes on ridiculously awesome 5-day roller coaster vacations with regular people, none of whom subscribe to Variety.

She's a woman after my own heart. And while I'll never be a stripper (Hot Cops!), or a phone sex operator, I will hopefully be a screenwriter. She's proof that talent outshines anything else in this biz, no matter what people say. You see it time and time again. I hope I have talent. People tell me I do, and that's nice and all, but I still don't buy it. I struggle everyday to put words on the page, and make something of my free-time, and part of that has to do with my fears that this business can ruin even the best. I watch shows like "Entourage" and "The Comeback" (Lisa Kudrow, 2005... IMDb it) and I wonder how anyone can manage to live in LA and not want to completely lose their mind. But, the only thing that gets me by, and the small glimmer of hope I have for this industry lies in people like Diablo. Hate her style, hate her films, or whatever, but admire her tenacity. Give credit where credit is due: she's a published writer and a produced screenwriter, and while same may say it fell in her lap, well, they just weren't paying attention. She's got it. And by it, I mean talent... Really...

*WARNING: Diablo's language is EXTREMELY colorful, and probably offensive to a lot of people. You've been warned. If you aren't super offended by language, scroll down a bit past the roller coaster picture and start with the paragraph beginning "I am not Charlie Kaufman..." Again, you've been warned... In fact, don't read this... It's a bit much... I shouldn't even read it. I'll summarize for the class:

Diablo hates haters. She's successful, so deal with it. Try her job for a day, and then tell me if you like it... All in all, it's not easy, and she's good at what she does. Hate Juno, hate her, but respect the talent... The End... There.... No vulgarity, no worries! 

Scripts-Mini

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Charlie, a man in his mid thirties, walks in casually through the door. He stops short of the counter, and looks straight into the eyes of the cashier.

CHARLIE

What's up, sweet cheeks. I see your hair line fracture has healed rather nicely since the last time we spoke.

His manner is crass and vulgar.

This was a test of the Scrippet plug-in developed by John August and Friends. It doesn't quite work as nicely as it does on his site, but oh well...

WWLDD?*

If you haven't seen this already, then shame on you, because it's quite possibly the funniest thing SNL has created since D**k in a Box (or that Surprise Party sketch, but anything with Kristen Wiig is bound to be a cut above):



See? I guess I'm not the only one who saw the connection... And if her miming the shotgun isn't enough to just love Ms. Fey all over the place, then I don't know what is.

Tell me if this is sad or not: I watched a re-run of 30 Rock last week, and seriously just smiled the whole way through. Naturally, I laughed a lot, but man I just can't get enough of her! Seeing her next to Amy Poehler was a treat, and I hope so desperately that she continues to do Gov. Palin well into the election...


*Look to the right...

Get Rid of the Seaward...

So, I headed out to West Beverly Hills High today for the first time in over 10 years... It was glossy, musically hip, and appropriately teen-friendly, which means it is exactly what I should not be watching.

Buuuut...

There is one good reason to watch:


My dear Lucille... or Jessica Walter, for purists.

Now, it's important, if you are going to watch the show for her, that you have some sort of DVR set-up, whether that's a TiVo of some FauxVo from your local cable or satellite carrier. The reason for this is because, in all honesty, the only good scenes are those that feature Lucille (Tabitha in this case), and so it is extremely necessary (please note the extreme nature of this warning) that you fast-forward through the dreck that is 90210: The New Class (not the real title, just my harsh, judging title for the show, which references another beloved teen show that went awry with fresh blood).

For those returning to West Beverly (like myself), you can stop on the scenes that feature Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty or that dude from the Peach Pit, but really, there's not much else to see or care about.

Keep in mind that while Ms. Walter does indeed channel Lucille Bluth in her portrayl of drunk 70s movie star Tabitha Mills, her character is extremely one-note, and incredibly flat (at least in the pilot). Still, it's pretty amusing to see our favorite matriarch portraying someone else for a change, even if the performance varies little... I'm all for her continuing to please AD fans by giving us a new weekly dose, so bring it on... Here's hoping she gets more to do... but I find that highly unlikely, considering the 2 hour premiere already felt over-crowded and weighed down by shallow attempts at nostalgia. The show's about the teens, and it will always be about them... Whatever, I say, but I'm not this show's demo at all, so I'll just shut my mouth, grab my TiVo remote, and enjoy what little is left of the Bluths on television.

**For those of you who are completely confused, this post in in reference to the new 90210 show, which premiered this past week on The CW. Next time, come to class prepared... I don't want to have to explain myself all the time...**

I Wish I Could Draw Her Nose...

I figured someone would have to come around and poop on the party, but I never thought it'd be George Michael...

Read it and taste the sad...

You Stay Classy...

C - Sarah Palin... not because I may or may not vote for her and John McCain this November, or because she's the GOP's answer to Hilary Clinton (?) and Obama's ability to capture the coveted 18-49 demographic, but because she looks like Tina Fey... Yeah, I'm that superficial...
Honorable mention goes to Paul Rudd. Why? Cause he's just cool...
L - Rancho Peñasquitos, or The Ranch of the Little Rocks in Espanol. It's my new home, and also my prison. Interpret that as you will. Shouldn't be too hard.
O - My TiVo. I'm rekindling my love for it, especially while using my parent's awful DVR from Time Warner Cable.
S - Embracing unemployment by doing absolutely nothing...
A - Finally finishing the first disc of Alias Season 4. Not super great, but Kelly Macdonald guested, and it was magically delicious...
T - Don't leave good friends, no matter how tempting the HDTV your parents has is.

Update! So far, so bad. I'm pretty miserable. Not much else to say.

I don't even know what to write about. I'm in a permanent state of arrested development (hey! that's the name of the show!), trying desperately to figure out the next four months (at least). I figure I need to probably take advantage of my time here in SD, you know, to become a true San Diegan and wear my colors with pride. I spent so much time here before wallowing in my inability to be elsewhere that I'm pretty sure I missed out on a lot of cool things. But, what makes those things better is when you have people to share it with, and as of this moment, I have none of that.

So, here's a call for all of my single lady friends: You wanna get hitched? I'm pretty sure I could be happily married to most of you, so why not, right? As long as you bring the funny, I'm good to go...

But no, seriously... I'm really only half kidding, so... think about it?... Please? *wink*

I dunno. Marriage looks cool and all, from an outsiders perspective, but is it really all that and a bag of chips? Really? Constant companionship from the one companion you get to choose? Always having someone to sleep next to, cuddle with, and talk to? Can't be THAT awesome, can it?
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No, that's not a sniffle... It's a cold.....
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Okay, there's no need to make the obvious known....

ANYway, enough of the wallowing... On to the next!!
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*sniff*