I need to vent. I've had this nagging pit in my stomach lately, and I haven't quite nailed the cause. Since, as they say, "'Tis the season for sharing", I'll start by airing a list of grievances:
*DISCLAIMER* No personal attacks intended. Seriously, anyone who reads this blog is already someone I like.
1. Being an open-minded person does not automatically make you better than everyone else. Why? Because until your "open-mind" can literally accept everyone (seriously, everyone), you'll never be anything more than a snot-nosed hypocrite.
2. Yeah, I do sometimes forget to treat women with gentlemanly respect (the "ladies first" kind of respect), but it's not like I intend to be rude.
3. If I want to go to law school, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about it.
4. The problem with moving up the ranks in Hollywood to get your big break as a writer is that you miss out on the kinds of experience that will enrich your writing. L.A. might be a big place, but it's got a one-track mind. No wonder, it seems, so many scripts are about bringing down "the man"; all y'all are writing about the S.O.B. agents/producers you worked for. It's great if you want to be in development or become an agent, but I just don't know how beneficial it is for ones writing...
5. I hate bacon. I really do. So, stop looking at me weird, or asking me why, or whatever else you intend to do. Bacon is not manna from the gods, nor is it God's gift to cooking. It's pig meat, and it tastes and smells disgusting.
6. We all need to stop using the word hate. Except with bacon.
7. While I adore The Soup, I can't help but think it's somehow complicit in the continuing destruction of television.
8. Coming out as a lesbian does not make you suddenly relevant after years of being a Lifetime movie star.
9. Someone seriously should be shot for wasting Elizabeth Mitchell and Alan Arkin's talent with The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.
10. Don't take advantage of me. No matter how well you know me, don't assume I'm okay with being walked on. Yes, I am traditionally a doormat and a pushover, but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion about it. Be mindful of how you treat these sorts of people.
11. Big Love can suck it.
12. Just because your favorite indie band had a song on a commercial, doesn't mean they've sold out. Rockers got bills to pay too...
13. My tips for current television shows:
FlashForward - Cut the existential nonsense, and let's get on to the fun stuff.
Glee - Sectionals better mean the end of FauxBabyGate.
The Office - Fire them all.
Heroes - Kill them all.
V - Why'd you have to leave us so soon?
House - Really?! You fired Cameron?!
Modern Family - You are perfect.
14. It's okay to dream; just don't expect them to come true tomorrow.
15. Don't be a d*ck. If I write you something, write me back, and if I piss you off, tell me. There's nothing worse than assuming the worst and being completely wrong about it.
16. Never let friendship get in the way of filmmaking, and vice versa.
17. Love the skin your in.
18. This list is turning into less of a list of grievances, and more of a list of odds and ends.
19. What's the deal with airplane food!?
20. That wasn't funny.
21. I have screenplay ADD, and I've got a portfolio of half finished ideas to prove it.
22. If ScriptShadow is such a threat, why hasn't it been shut down? If it's doing serious damage to scripts in development, or even scripts looking for a deal, then it needs to be shut down. Until that happens, I'll gladly take what Carson gives. Why? Cuz I'm a naive amateur.
*UPDATE!* I found this great article by Craig Mazin at Artful Writer where he lays things out reasonably. I think for the time being, I'll let this thing play out, and not participate in ScriptShadow until things get worked out.
23. Having to pay for Xbox Live is ridiculous enough, but having to pay for clothes for your Avatar? Now that's just plain dumb.
24. I wish my cousins had taken our fish tank.
25. Max Hall is a douchebag.
26. Go Chargers!
27. The end.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
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9 comments:
I hate bacon too.
Modern Family IS perfect.
I hope I haven't offended you in any way at all.
The reason you come here and work in the industry and suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortunes is because of the personal connections and network of filmmakers who have got your back and will be on YOUR side when you have a project or a screenplay or an idea. It has nothing at all to do with getting experience or learning the ins and outs of the business (although knowing that stuff helps you avoid getting screwed, because people get screwed in this business all the time), it's about knowing an agent here, a producer there, and a director there so you can take those many ideas and scripts that you have and know that they'll at least give it a glance (because we know that not everyone does that [cough]Josh Olson[cough]).
When everyone is making the sacrifice to work terrible hours at a job they don't particularly like and getting paid sh*t and having to pay abnormally high rent and utilities (and that doesn't include central heating and air)... they feel a connection and camaraderie that comes only from being in a situation together and understanding it together.
But I totally agree about the experience - what can you know about the world and of things if you don't have the opportunity to go out and live that life. I guess the only solution is to become fabulously rich without having to work and travel the world while writing.
[sigh] I wish that was me...
Just noticed that your readage was featuring Scott Pilgrim. How much do you love it?
Thought I'd give some responses to some of these points... for kicks.
3. Is the guilt coming from you or pressure from others?
4. I do agree with this whole heartedly, but Eric brings up a good point. I would lean towards writing outside of the hollywood bubble, personally. I think writer's can get away with this (sometimes) while producerly types not so much.
5. I feel so bad for you... traumatized by the pig, so much so that you can't enjoy the perfection that is bacon. I've heard many cooking competitions ban it because it's a performance enhancing drug-- it makes everything taste better.
7. I agree a little bit, but won't stop watching. It's just good television.
10. Hope I don't and haven't.
11. Agreed. Lousy drama with out any of the research. I know one of the main writers used to be LDS, but no one says "did you have a testimony for it?"
12. Again agreed.
13.
Flashforward - speed up the process
Glee - Decide on your tone (are you a wacky comedy or a hard hitting drama)
The Office - Keep on rocking. But fire Michael. And keep Dwight.
Heroes - Kill them all except for Hiro.
V - Keep it up
House - Don't care.
Modern Family - Bring more funny.
15. Hopefully not referring to me.
16. Agreed. My harsh feedback in 419 should be proof that it doesn't. Maybe?
17. Sexy.
21. I'm worse... some of the scripts I haven't even started, let alone finished.
22. ScriptShadow isn't a threat to me right now, but it potentially could be for other writers. I agree with John on this one. I keep waiting for ScriptShadow to respond.
23. Yeah, it's dumb. More dumb are the people who do it.
27. Fin.
Eric - I completely agree with what you're saying. Hollywood, for a writer, seems like a bittersweet place, simply because it's the beginning of a career, but it can also mean the end of trying anything new. Filmmaking is so all consuming that I worry that once I do make the move, I'll become pretty much dead to those around me, as well as dead to expanding my horizons. I love film so much that I know that if I do get my shot, I'll milk it, and I'll compete hardcore to get meetings and get assignments, or to get staffed. That's just my personality. So, that's why I wrote that: I just am a little bit scared for what I'll become when I move. Which I hope is soon. I'm looking into it more seriously now. (yeah, yeah, finally you may say...)
As for both you and Spencer, neither of you have offended me, so don't worry about that.
Spencer - I'm loving Scott Pilgrim. I read Vol. 1 about a year ago, but never got around to picking up the next ones (technically, I was waiting for my library to get them. They said they were On Order, but by the time they did come in, I'd forgotten about 'em. You can thank Jason Reitman and Edgar Wright's tweets for reminding me). I'm into Vol 3 now. They're such a quick read that I find it very relaxing and of course, hilarious. It's wonderful to read a comic that is very much targeted at my generation. So much that has come before in regards to 20 somethings has been for the Gen Xers, stuff like Singles, or Reality Bites, but this, as well as Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist is right up my alley. I think Edgar Wright is gonna nail the tone perfectly, and Michael Cera, as over-exposed as he is, will be perfect as Scott. And the rest of the cast is perfect too, I think. Except maybe Kiernan Culkin as Wallace. I just can't see that...
1. Being an open-minded person is a way of saying, "I am too weak to form, articulate, and defend my own opinions, however popular or unpopular they may be."
2. Some women get way too defensive about not being treated with this kind of respect. I think of it not as an entitlement, but rather a privilege-- that way I'm always pleasantly surprised when men are gentleman-ly. Still, practice makes perfect, and this kind of practice will only help you. No one's ever been mocked for having too good of manners.
5. I'm sorry you hate bacon, but seriously, its sooo good!
7. I stopped watching the Soup, because I felt dumber for watching it.
10. I like your opinions. There.
11. Ditto. Did I tell you that because of Big Love that I had to explain to my non LDS cousin that no, when I get married in the temple, I do not have to consummate my marriage on the altar. Yeah, that was fun. Thanks, Big Love, thanks.
13. I really REALLY want to see some more V, and see Modern Family become more awesome than it already is.
16,20,21,22. You know what I discovered the other night while watching the documentary on JK Rowling on the bluray special features of the latest Harry Potter DVD Release? (That was a mouthful...) The times when I was at my best writing, where I felt like I could really create, and somehow somewhere, that would get me into the biz, or give me a break-- I was at my most miserable. My life was a horrible, sad, series of never ending trials without a break. And so I was using writing as an escape, and seeing film making as an alternative escape as well. Now, that I'm in a much happier place, I really struggle to write, and to feel that motivation to write and create films. Writing and making films is on the base level, a personal journey, and so I think that if you can do it, be happy and write, and do what you love, that's something to be grateful for-- because not everyone has that.
23. I really wish I could get into videogames. At the end of the day, I don't care. Is it because they lack compelling stories? Or because I don't care how many times I can blow something or someone up with 8 different types of weapons?
I'm going to have to disagree with Spencer just a tiny bit here:
It is probably not as important for a writer to be in this area to write, but when it comes to actually getting that writing seen or read by someone of importance that can do something with it - it is absolutely vital to be living and working here. Go ahead and ask any big name screenwriters and they will tell you the same thing (that's who I got my info from about that to begin with.)
You can be anywhere in the world to write and you can have a lot of good, well-read people take a look at your screenplay and give pointers (even college professors), but if you want to get the opinion of people who will be making decisions about what is made and what is thrown away at the big studios and production companies- you need to know the right people (who happen to be people living here working in the industry if you haven't caught that part yet).
That being said -
It IS SO LONELY out here. So lonely. It's always nice to have friends that you can relate to and talk frankly with and most of those people don't live here. I essentially have my old friends living in other places (my BFFs Spencer in SLC and Jacob in San Diego) and I never get to see them ever. And talking online doesn't always fulfill that need of shooting the stuff with them over a burger and shake.
My main motivation for you and Spencer to move out here is so that I can have someone to relate to and go see movies with, because my LA friends are just...different...
Jacob, I think you're pretty much all great. As in 100% I want to see some of your writing. All I've ever seen is on your blog. I'd even take something that isn't finished.
25: But Jacob he's the Lord's quarterback...
26: Once more with feeling.
English bacon is alright.
Hey, you are cool!
Great idea Parker. I forgot all about the airing of Festivus Grievances. I think I may take a shot at that this year :).
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